How I Didn't Meet a Famous Person's Wife

Remember how I work at Lagoon?

Well, I had to go back this weekend. And it still super sucks.

Especially since I had to miss USU's homecoming game AND participating in a world-record-breaking kissing chain!

Grrrrrrr...

World-record kiss or not, I did still have a pretty interesting weekend. Lagoon has a knack for attracting the weirdest people in the world.

Fact.

Today I was working on Bombora, and on Bombora as on all our other roller coasters- we do not allow riders to bring bags on the ride. It's the rules. It's always been the rules.

So, this lady comes on Bombora. Sits down, and tries to tuck her purse between her feet.

I see stuff like this all the time, so I went over to her and very kindly told her that I couldn't let her take her bag on the ride, and asked her if I could set it off to the side.

She said:

"You most certainly can NOT! This bag is worth more than your life!"

Now,

 the only way I can see a purse as being more valuable than my entire being, is if it were a secret portal into Narnia. As I was 97.939% sure that this wasn't the case, I was slightly perturbed by this answer.

I once again very calmy, very kindly told her Lagoon's bag policy and stated that the bag would been in my full view the entire time and that it would be perfectly safe.

To this she said:

"No you don't understand. I have medication in here. Like, I have hardcore rocks in here, AND $5000 in cash. I'm not letting this bag out of my ****ing sight!"

Ok.

Unless you're an undercover agent trying to bust a notorious drug lord for the FBI, why in the world would you go to an amusement park with hard drugs and exuberant amounts of cash??? I was quite literally scratching my head in confusion when she sighed hugely, shoved the bag at me and said:

"Ok. Fine Dammit. But this bag is worth more than your entire life, so you better not let ANYTHING happen to it!"

As I started the ride I reflected on the conversation and thought to myself that it couldn't get any stranger. I was tempted to hide the bag and say that some weirdo had run off with it, just to see what her reaction would be, but figured it wasn't worth her pulliing a knife out of her boot and getting all Jason Bourne on me.

Instead, I gave it back to her as she exited the ride.

I was expecting another snide remark about how apparantly worthless my entire existence was, or at least some profanity. But I was most definitely NOT expecting what she said next:

"Oh thank God! Deron Williams would have KILLED me if anything had happened to this bag!"

Deron Williams?

as in point-guard-who-used-to-play-for-the-Jazz-Deron-Williams?

My mind was blown.

Then I started thinking that she really WAS an FBI agent, and that she was speaking in some sort of federal spy code.

Or something.

Mrs. Bourne/Deron Williams/Crazy Lady gave me a look full of haughty condecension and said quite disdainfully:

"Yeah. THE Deron Williams. These are his kids, I'm the wife. It's nice to meet you."

My mind was still trying to figure out if she was speaking in code, so I dazedly shook her extended hand, and watched her walk away with a look of pure and utter confusion on my face. The only cohesive thought in my brain, just like John in Kid History Episode 6, was this:

"What in the FREAK just happened?"

It was one of the weirdest encounters of my entire life.

As soon as I got home, I googled Deron Williams to see if he really WAS married to this crazy/possibly a secret agent lady.

Turns out no.

He's married to this lady:

She looks very nice.
Also NOTHING like the psycho wench I met today.
That lady seemed to me, in dire need of a straight jacket.

Also, a little girl told me that I had Princess Hair.
Best compliment EVER.

The End