Trust Me, I'm A Ginger: Reasons Why Brittany Should Get A Mastiff

Last night,

I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends.

We played Dance Central

Ate milkshakes

and watched Zoolander.

It was good times.

The house we were all at belongs to two of my friend's aunt and uncle, and previous times I had been there I had gotten to play with their adorable chocolate lab.

I loved that dog.

As we were getting ready to leave, I asked my friend Carson if they still had the dog, because I hadn't seen or heard it all night.

He told me that they did, and they had gotten a new dog.

A Mastiff.

ohmyholyalltypesofgoodness.

That dog was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

It was ginormous, like I could have ridden it ginormous

and it's head was as big as a watermelon.

And it had these HUGE sad eyes

And I just wanted to hug it and pet it and feed it bacon.

I loved that dog.

And I want it for my own.

So here it is,

{Many Reasons}

{That I Should Get a Mastiff}

1.THey are fetching the cutest dogs in the entire world.

Come on, look at this face and tell me that your heartstrings are not even a little bit tugged.

It's so chubbly and wrinkly, I just have to love it.

2.Sometimes they look like lions.

Don't believe me?

Check it:

uncanny. Amirite??

3.I would never have to worry about getting raped, mugged, abducted, or robbed. Once they saw my pet beast, they would shat themselves with fear and run far far away.

4.I would never have to buy fertilizer. Those things must make some seriously massive poop. My garden and grass and neighbors will be set for life from my mastiff!

5.I would save much dollars on cars and gas and such. I'd just ride my mastiff.