Barmy

I was trying to think of something clever and possibly alliterative to name this post.

I couldn't think of anything, so I turned to my trusty friend

The Thesaurus.

(FYI, a thesaurus is NOT what Dinosaurs called each other)

Dino 1: "Hey, who's thesaurus over there?"

Dino 2: "Oh you know, he's thesaurus we met when we ate that triceratops last week."

But don't feel sheepish if that's what you thought it was until 4th grade. You're not alone.

Anyway...I looked up "crazy" in the thesaurus, and I found the word Barmy.

It's my new favorite word.

I have several phobias that can definitely be described as barmy.

They are as follows:

Number One

Chihuahuas

I know what you're thinking.

Chihuahua's? Really?

THey just sit there with their huge buggy eyes and shake!

How is that scary???

Notice that I said ChihuhuaS meaning more than one.

One chihuahua is nothing, but once you get two or more, they form this little pack and become evil.

No joke.

If I see chihuahuas, I freak out.

WHich is bad, because they can smell fear.

Number Two

Dolphins

Dolphins swim up on shore and rape people.

Also, they're always smiling at you like they know something.

It freaks me out.

Number Three

Other People's Bathrooms

I'm fine with public bathrooms, but I hate Hate HATE using the bathrooms in people's houses.

 I'm always afraid that I'll either break something, or that a serial killer is hiding behind the shower curtain.

Number Four

Venus Flytraps

What if I accidentally put my hand too close and it tries to chomp it off?

Number Five

Aliens

I watched this movie once about this lady whose daughter was abducted by aliens.

They voip you out of your bed, and do freaky experiments on you.

But the worst part? They give you alien ruffies so you can't remember any of it.

Vulcans don't count as aliens though.

I love Vulcans.

Number Six

Clowns

When I was little, my grandparents took me to the circus.

There were clowns there.

One was this sad little clown, with golf balls in his cheeks, holding a sign that said

"Kisses, 10 cents"

My grandma made me kiss the clown.

I was traumatized for the rest of my life.

Number Seven

Childbirth

I don't know how in the world women go through this.

It sounds like the most horrible, painful, traumatizing thing in the world.

I'll just skip it, and adopt Asian babies.

Number Eight

Falling

I hate hate hate hate HATE it.
This is why I never ride The Rocket.

And I'm very wary of cliffs.

And stairs.

Number Nine

Robots

I am Robot.

Terminator.

Decepticons

The Day The Earth Stood Still

How many times do we have to watch the same story before we realize that robots will ultimately be the destruction of humanity?

The only good robots are Wall:E, Eva, and R2D2

The rest are just jerks

Number Ten

The Joker

Mostly just the Heath Ledger Joker.

He still gives me nightmares.

THe Jack Nicholson Joker just makes me laugh.

{SO}

There you have it.

My barmy fears.

Mock me if you will

But don't come crying to me when you're attacked by a chihuahua.

Or a robot.

The End.