HOWLOWEEN

What a night!

Oh goodness y'all, no joke I had the time of my life.

Kind of.

Last night happened to be USU's annual incredibly amazing Halloween Party aka

{THE HOWL}

As my idol Stefan would say:

This place has everything!

Stilts

Rubber chickens

Men wearing nothing but fig leaves

And tons of freezing cold air.
Be jealous.

( Adorable McKenna, Gypsy Emily, and Me as a fairy)

The Howl was an adventure right from the start.
Me and my three friends walked the three blocks from my apartment to the building where The Howl was being held only to discover that to buy tickets we had to walk two and a half blocks away to the Basketball Stadium.
We scampered, fast like little rabbits, purchased ourselves some tickets, and then walked the two blocks back to the Howl.
Once we finally got in, holy poop it was a party.
The entire building was completely full of people,
they were EVERYWHERE!
Tall people, short people, fully clothed people, half naked people, more than half naked people, this place was crazy.
I had a bunch of friends who had gotten there earlier who wanted me to meet up with them at the dance, so on to the dance we went. It took us ten minutes to get in- the line was CRAZY, and when we finally did get in- things got even crazier.

Now when I see a crowd- I'm not the kind of girl who just dances on the edge- I dive right in. So we did. We were packed so tight in there that you could barely move, but we did our best and tried to dance. After a few minutes some guys came up and asked if they could dance with us, I said sure.
Big Mistake.
One of the guys grabbed my hips, pulled me super close to him, and proceeded to rub his hands all sorts of all over my butt.
Um. Awkward.
His friend was doing similar things to Emily who also felt her personal space bubble had just been popped to the max. The four of us girls sneaked away through the crowd, away from the Octopus men,
and right in the middle of a fist-fight.
'Twas scary my friends.
Very scary indeed.
Two very large men were both all sorts of upset and were being poorly restrained by their friends. One of them stepped on my foot.
It hurt.
Eventually they got calmed down, the dancing resumed, and me and my gals decided we'd had quite enough.
So we left.
And found this awesome snake man.

Holy poop y'all, we tote's loved that snake.
His name was Malfoy- which is most definitely one of the coolest snake names of all time.
Kudos snake man.

My BFF Jackie loved him too.

Also I love the snake-man's creeper face.

After we spent the better part of 20 minutes annoying the crap out of the snake man- we went and saw the band Cartel.

As you can clearly see, they are as a whole incredibly attractive.

Especially the adorable lead singer.

The concert was pretty much a blast, and they had their bass turned up so loud that my ears are still a little fuzzy.

It was good times.

When it was over, we decided we'd mostly had enough. So we mostly just meandered around.

then Then THEN!

-The greatest moment of my life happened:

That's right

I met the one

the only

Captain Jack Sparrow.

Basically, my life is now complete.

Be so jealous right now.

When we finally left the Howl, we spent 40 minutes searching all over 2 different parking terraces for Jackie's car. The dear, darling girl forgot where it was.

When we finally found it and were leaving the parking terrace, we saw a group of very attractive, very shirtless, very cold sailor's.

They saw us drive up, saw that we were girls, and begged us to drive them to their car.

We're nice, and they were babes.

So we did.

They were hilarious,

and I wish I had thought to take a picture so you could see just how gorgeous they were.

You'll just have to imagine as best you can.

So there you have it folks.

The Howl 2011

I'll see you there next year!

The End.

 

Barmy

I was trying to think of something clever and possibly alliterative to name this post.

I couldn't think of anything, so I turned to my trusty friend

The Thesaurus.

(FYI, a thesaurus is NOT what Dinosaurs called each other)

Dino 1: "Hey, who's thesaurus over there?"

Dino 2: "Oh you know, he's thesaurus we met when we ate that triceratops last week."

But don't feel sheepish if that's what you thought it was until 4th grade. You're not alone.

Anyway...I looked up "crazy" in the thesaurus, and I found the word Barmy.

It's my new favorite word.

I have several phobias that can definitely be described as barmy.

They are as follows:

Number One

Chihuahuas

I know what you're thinking.

Chihuahua's? Really?

THey just sit there with their huge buggy eyes and shake!

How is that scary???

Notice that I said ChihuhuaS meaning more than one.

One chihuahua is nothing, but once you get two or more, they form this little pack and become evil.

No joke.

If I see chihuahuas, I freak out.

WHich is bad, because they can smell fear.

Number Two

Dolphins

Dolphins swim up on shore and rape people.

Also, they're always smiling at you like they know something.

It freaks me out.

Number Three

Other People's Bathrooms

I'm fine with public bathrooms, but I hate Hate HATE using the bathrooms in people's houses.

 I'm always afraid that I'll either break something, or that a serial killer is hiding behind the shower curtain.

Number Four

Venus Flytraps

What if I accidentally put my hand too close and it tries to chomp it off?

Number Five

Aliens

I watched this movie once about this lady whose daughter was abducted by aliens.

They voip you out of your bed, and do freaky experiments on you.

But the worst part? They give you alien ruffies so you can't remember any of it.

Vulcans don't count as aliens though.

I love Vulcans.

Number Six

Clowns

When I was little, my grandparents took me to the circus.

There were clowns there.

One was this sad little clown, with golf balls in his cheeks, holding a sign that said

"Kisses, 10 cents"

My grandma made me kiss the clown.

I was traumatized for the rest of my life.

Number Seven

Childbirth

I don't know how in the world women go through this.

It sounds like the most horrible, painful, traumatizing thing in the world.

I'll just skip it, and adopt Asian babies.

Number Eight

Falling

I hate hate hate hate HATE it.
This is why I never ride The Rocket.

And I'm very wary of cliffs.

And stairs.

Number Nine

Robots

I am Robot.

Terminator.

Decepticons

The Day The Earth Stood Still

How many times do we have to watch the same story before we realize that robots will ultimately be the destruction of humanity?

The only good robots are Wall:E, Eva, and R2D2

The rest are just jerks

Number Ten

The Joker

Mostly just the Heath Ledger Joker.

He still gives me nightmares.

THe Jack Nicholson Joker just makes me laugh.

{SO}

There you have it.

My barmy fears.

Mock me if you will

But don't come crying to me when you're attacked by a chihuahua.

Or a robot.

The End.

Theme Park Cookie Toss

As many of you know, I am working two jobs this summer: one as a ride operator at Lagoon, and one as a sales associate at Gymboree. I thoroughly enjoy both jobs, but on days where I have to go straight from one to the other...things can get a little interesting...

Yesterday was one of these days.

I worked a shift at Gymboree, getting all trained up and such, went home and at a delicious lunch of chips and guacamole,and I then I had to scamper on over to Lagoon. 

And things started to get ugly.

I started off my shift fine, I got all clocked in, got to the ride I was operating for the day, and got to work.

I was having a pretty fun time. Everyone was being really friendly, no one yelled at me when I told them they had to wait for the next train, and lots of people complimented me on my hair - which is always nice to hear. 

Then, I started getting nauseous. And dizzy. And my head hurt like the dickens. 

This is not a good combination, especially when you're at work.

I kept drinking, and trying to stay in the shade as much as possible, telling myself that it would blow over soon.

It didn't.

Three hours later, I was in really bad shape.

I called my supervisor, and told him what was going on. He said that one of the relief operators could finish my shift, but I'd have to go give the girl running the Turn Of The Century swings her break before I could leave.

She wanted a half hour break, I thought I could  last that long.

( thought being the key word in that sentence )

I started loading people onto the ride, checked all their harnesses, and was just about to start it up when I got that feeling.

That oh-my-holy-crap-I'm-going-to-puke-right-now feeling.

I had nowhere to go- I was locked in my little operator booth and the nearest trash can was forever-far away. 

I panicked, my stomach lurched, and I did the only thing I could...tossed my cookies all over the ground.

Puking is NEVER an enjoyable pastime. It is exponentially worse when you're vomiting in front of hundreds of people.  

I can only say that I'm in no hurry to EVER do it again.

After I finished emptying the remains of my digested guacamole onto the ground, I called my supervisor and told them I needed someone to replace me. He said someone would be right there.

In the meantime, I was stuck in a little booth with the remains of my lunch, while people stared at me with mixtures of pity, mirth, and disgust. 

It was not fun times.

My supervisor came fairly quickly though, and I was soon on my way home where I spent the remainder of my night sleeping.

Today I feel much better, and luckily I don't work at Lagoon again until Thursday. I can only hope that the story of my cookie-toss didn't make it very far.

Moral of This Story: I'm not eating guacamole for a while.

The End.

Only Your Real Friends Will Tell You When Your Face is Dirty

I have truly been blessed to have some of the most amazing friends in the world.


Me, Lara Smith, and Jackie Loveland have been besties since we were wee sophomores. Well... they were average sized sophomores, I was the wee one. When we met, the three of us had been through an awful lot of rejection. None of us could find a place where we really fit in, and we had all kind of developed an inferiority complex, we weren't good enough for anybody, and no one would ever like us for who we really were. Luckily, we all decided to join marching band, where we found each other and our lives changed.


I remember the first time I really talked to Jackie, I'd known who she was since middle school, but we had never really connected before. We were chatting it up after marching band practice, and she smoothly inserted a Homestar Runner-ism into the conversation. It was then I knew we were friends. That day, we walked the mile and a half to my house, discovering the many things we had in common along the way, and then Jackie walked the three miles back to her house. After that we were best friends. 

I don't think there was an exact moment where Lara became one of us, it was more of a gradual process, all I know is that by the end of marching band seasons, we were tote's BFF's. We even dubbed ourselves as superheros of band. That's right fools. We were the bandtasmics!

We were so awesome. And for about a year and a half we wrote and illustrated our own bandtasmic comic strips and taped them to the wall of the band room. 

We stayed friends all through High School and while we all would occasionally drift apart, something would always bring us back together. Then we graduated and made the very lame decision to all go to separate colleges. I'm living it up as an Aggie, Lara's rocking the U, and Jackie's halfway between us at Weber. Despite our seperation, we have stayed as close as ever, and alway take the time to make sure we know what's going on in each other's lives. 

Last night we were chatting it up via facebook and Lara mentioned to me that she had heard some very distressing news about Jackie. Jackie recently got out of a relationship that was very trying for her, and someone had told us that she was looking into purchasing a pregnancy test. The two of us were terrified that Jackie was pregnant, and just hadn't found a way to tell us yet.

So we debated for a long time whether we should just straight up ask her, or just casually bring up pregnancy in conversation and see what happened, or just wait nine months to see if a little stranger came out of her uterus. We decided to just call her, and I volunteered to be the call-ee.

You have never had an awkward phone conversation until you've had to ask one of your best friends if she's pregnant. 

This is basically how the conversation went:

Me: Hey Jackie it's me, your friend. That is ginger.

Jackie: Um.. Hi?

Me:...I don't really know how to put this...so I'm just going to go for it... Lara and I heard that you went to buy a pregnancy test....so...um....are..you....pregnant?

Jackie: (bursting into laughter) WHAT?!!?! NO!! OF COURSE NOT!!

Me: phew, that is great great news. Wow. Thanks for not being pregnant I guess...

Jackie:...um... anytime?...

Yeah, I know it sounds awkward, but it was 12 billion times worse in person.

I just want to say, that I love these girls. I love that we can go a month without talking and still know everything about each other. I love how we think our inside jokes from four years ago are still funny. I love how we can finish each others sentences while we're chatting on facebook. I love that we can call each other to ask if we're pregnant, and then spend an hour afterwards laughing about it. I love all the great memories we've shared, and the many many more to come. 

It's been great you guys

The End.

Secret Valentines Plans

As you all know, Valentines is coming up. As you also know, or at least inferred from my last post, I am relatively manless for this day of affection. And by relatively, I mean completely. My roommates are pretty much in the same boat as me, which proves that there is a serious problem with the men up here. My roommates are all gorgeous, amazing girls that any man anywhere else in the world would give anything to date. But, since we are all manless on Valentines day, we decided to have a secret scandalous party, the details of which will never be revealed to anyone other than the four of us. 
        Are you curious? Are you just dying to know? Well you can't. I'm sorry.  If I told you, then there would be catastrophic repercussions. Kind of like when you rip the tag off a mattress. Or when a Vogon reads poetry to you. It just wouldn't be good. But, since I think it would be incredibly cruel to bring this up, and then leave you in the lurch about it, I will give you three hints.Mostly just because I'm very excited for it and cannot contain myself.


Hint Number One: No men will be allowed in our apartment. It would just be improper. 


Hint Number Two: We all had to go buy new attire to wear at this party. New matching attire. (devilish eyebrow wiggling)


Hint Number Three: I don't know anyone else who is having a party like this. But I know plenty of people that secretly wish they were. 


There you have it, who needs men on valentines day? Not my apartment! We have much better plans....