WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 13. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
Disclaimers are fun times. Now I bet you're in a lot of suspense, I feel so powerful....
Being a Veterinary Science major, it is inevitable that at some point in my education I will have to do unsightly things to animals. When you hear what I have done, you may be disgusted, revolted, terrified, horrified, other synonyms for shocked. But I want to make it very clear that the things I have done helped better the lives of the animals. Though they may not have enjoyed it, it was for their own good.
The members of my animal science class were invited to spend the day in Wyoming testing the sperm production of the rams on a ranch belonging to one of my professors bosom buddies. So all of us eager young scholars spent our day having our eyes opened to some things that we really didn't ever want to see.
To collect semen from a sheep is not as easy as it sounds. You have to take a big probe-looking-thing with all these little rods on it that looks kind of like a 3-barrel hair crimper, and shove it into the sheep's anus. Once the sheep stops writhing in pain, you turn the probe on and it sends electrical shocks to the sheep's prostate, causing it to ejaculate into this little cup.
I know what you're thinking. Especially if you're a man.
And I know that it sounds ridiculous, but I actually had a lot of fun molesting sheep. I learned a lot of valuable lessons about the life of a veterinarian, and about sheep.
After we were done with the sheep, we decided to explore the sagebrush sea of wyoming. Mostly, there was sagebrush. But we did find an entire cow skeleton! The poor thing was completely decomposed and the entire skeleton was intact, it was really cool. I don't know if this was insulting to the cows memory or anything, but the skeleton was far too enticing to just leave sitting there! so we started ripping it's ribs off and trying to use them as boomerangs.
DISCLAIMER: BOVINE RIBS ARE INEFFECTIVE BOOMERANGS
THEY DO HOWEVER MAKE EXCELLENT JAVELINS
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