How I Didn't Meet a Famous Person's Wife

Remember how I work at Lagoon?

Well, I had to go back this weekend. And it still super sucks.

Especially since I had to miss USU's homecoming game AND participating in a world-record-breaking kissing chain!

Grrrrrrr...

World-record kiss or not, I did still have a pretty interesting weekend. Lagoon has a knack for attracting the weirdest people in the world.

Fact.

Today I was working on Bombora, and on Bombora as on all our other roller coasters- we do not allow riders to bring bags on the ride. It's the rules. It's always been the rules.

So, this lady comes on Bombora. Sits down, and tries to tuck her purse between her feet.

I see stuff like this all the time, so I went over to her and very kindly told her that I couldn't let her take her bag on the ride, and asked her if I could set it off to the side.

She said:

"You most certainly can NOT! This bag is worth more than your life!"

Now,

 the only way I can see a purse as being more valuable than my entire being, is if it were a secret portal into Narnia. As I was 97.939% sure that this wasn't the case, I was slightly perturbed by this answer.

I once again very calmy, very kindly told her Lagoon's bag policy and stated that the bag would been in my full view the entire time and that it would be perfectly safe.

To this she said:

"No you don't understand. I have medication in here. Like, I have hardcore rocks in here, AND $5000 in cash. I'm not letting this bag out of my ****ing sight!"

Ok.

Unless you're an undercover agent trying to bust a notorious drug lord for the FBI, why in the world would you go to an amusement park with hard drugs and exuberant amounts of cash??? I was quite literally scratching my head in confusion when she sighed hugely, shoved the bag at me and said:

"Ok. Fine Dammit. But this bag is worth more than your entire life, so you better not let ANYTHING happen to it!"

As I started the ride I reflected on the conversation and thought to myself that it couldn't get any stranger. I was tempted to hide the bag and say that some weirdo had run off with it, just to see what her reaction would be, but figured it wasn't worth her pulliing a knife out of her boot and getting all Jason Bourne on me.

Instead, I gave it back to her as she exited the ride.

I was expecting another snide remark about how apparantly worthless my entire existence was, or at least some profanity. But I was most definitely NOT expecting what she said next:

"Oh thank God! Deron Williams would have KILLED me if anything had happened to this bag!"

Deron Williams?

as in point-guard-who-used-to-play-for-the-Jazz-Deron-Williams?

My mind was blown.

Then I started thinking that she really WAS an FBI agent, and that she was speaking in some sort of federal spy code.

Or something.

Mrs. Bourne/Deron Williams/Crazy Lady gave me a look full of haughty condecension and said quite disdainfully:

"Yeah. THE Deron Williams. These are his kids, I'm the wife. It's nice to meet you."

My mind was still trying to figure out if she was speaking in code, so I dazedly shook her extended hand, and watched her walk away with a look of pure and utter confusion on my face. The only cohesive thought in my brain, just like John in Kid History Episode 6, was this:

"What in the FREAK just happened?"

It was one of the weirdest encounters of my entire life.

As soon as I got home, I googled Deron Williams to see if he really WAS married to this crazy/possibly a secret agent lady.

Turns out no.

He's married to this lady:

She looks very nice.
Also NOTHING like the psycho wench I met today.
That lady seemed to me, in dire need of a straight jacket.

Also, a little girl told me that I had Princess Hair.
Best compliment EVER.

The End

My Woes

So tonight this really weird thing happened.... I had free time. I had no homework, no plans, and literally nothing to do. So, I turned to my very dear friend "Netflix" and decided to watch the first recommended movie that looked interesting.

Turns out it was this one.

I'd never heard of it, and figured it would be a feel-good romantic comedy that would warm my soul or something. Or something. Instead it made me incredibly depressed about the fact that I'm single.

I hate when that happens.

The premise of the movie is this: scientists develop technology that can predict who you fall in love with, and they install a timer in everybody that counts down to the day they meet their soulmate. Once you make eye-contact with your "true love" both of your timers start beeping and you know you've found the person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with.

The main character is a 30 year old woman who is freaking out over the misfortune that her timer hasn't started counting down yet, due to the fact that her supposed "true love" has yet to get a timer.  Chaos ensues when she gets fed up with waiting and starts a passionate fling with a (very attractive) much younger man who doesn't have a timer.

Mostly, the ending sucked. But I won't give it away. You'll have to watch it.

(FYI there is one naughty part that you have to skip)

I'm not going to lie, I found the concept of the timer very appealing. Wouldn't it be so great to have not only a guarantee that you will find someone that will love you for the rest of your life, but also to be able to know exactly when they're coming? To not have to even worry about the possibility that you'll end up a bitter, loveless old spinster with nothing but cats and quilting to keep you company because you know that your perfect match is out there, just waiting to find you?

Maybe I'm just a silly love-hungry college girl who's sick of EVERYONE around her getting married when she hasn't even dated anyone in a year. Maybe I'm bitter, and lonely, and hopelessly pathetic about stuff like this, but I want a timer.

I want a guarantee that my someone's out there.

That they actually exist and I'm not just deluding myself with false hopes and naive expectations.

Get on it scientists!

The End.

My Life's Awesome. Fact. FACCCCCCT.

I know I've been a real dirty trash can full of poop in regards to my keeping you updated on my life. So, I'm going to tell you all exactly how my day was today.

A Day In The Life of An Incredibly Attractive Ginger That You Should Be Extremely Jealous of.

Take 1.

Firstly, I have the best schedule in the whole entire world. My first class isn't until 12:30 so I get to spend my mornings blissfuly sleeping in until 9 or 10....or sometimes almost until 11. Don't judge. Anywhoo...I got up this morning/almost afternoon incredibly excited because last night was the premeiere of Glee!! My almost favorite TV show of all time!!!! (It's in a three way tie with BIg Bang Theory and Chuck) So I get out my cute little laptop, log on to my cute little hulu, and then do you know what happened??? Hulu said that I can't watch Glee FOR A FETCHING WEEK UNLESS I BUY HULU PLUS!!! I flipped a biscuit.

After that: I went to class. Where I learned how to say this:

你 工作审理吗？

which means "is your work stressful?"

I'm so freaking Asian it's not even funny.

After my Asian class, I headed over to chill with my super cool, bald friend Ellis. He stole my laptop, hacked my facebook and changed my relationship status to "engaged"

So- everyone I know started freaking out because they thought that I was getting married. To Ellis' freshman roomate.

I had people calling me and texting me all day with their congratulations. I don't even have a fetching boyfriend! How in the poop could I magically be engaged? I'm not some freaky Shakespearean wench who decides she's soooooooooo in love with wimpy little Romeo after she's met him like twice.

I'm so not that girl.

Not even a little bit.

In the midst of my fake-fiance-fiasco (sweet alliteration there right?) I had to go to the rest of my classes where I was pretty much bored out of my ginger mind. Except in my FCHD class, which is always interesting because the professor is this adorable grad-student that I can't for the life of me tell if he's gay or not. Not that I really care mind you, it's just very difficult to tell. And it bugs me. Also he looks like a meerkat.

And adorable meerkat.

Remember how I made Swing Team? Well we have two practices a week and one of those was tonight. I spent two hours dancing my heart out, and realizing that I'm really not as good a dancer as I thought I was.

:(

My partner is a pretty chill guy. His name is Milo.

He wears exciting shoes.

Also, Milo is just a really cool name.

Basically, that was my day. Give or take a few unhealthy college student meals, some awkward encounters with Asians, and a lot of riding my adorable bike around campus. I lead a pretty charmed life.

It's ok if you're jealous.

The End.





Hobbits and Vulcans and Wizards.... Oh My!!!

I am a nerd.

A huge nerd.

And I'm ridiculously proud of it.

You might be one of those unfortunate people who thinks that being a nerd is a bad thing. If you are, my poor chillun- you need to change your ways. Go watch Star Wars and read a Harry Potter book or something.

Goodness.

All of my fellow nerds will agree with me when I say, that being a nerd is the only way to be. Life just wouldn't be as enjoyable if you couldn't wear batman underwear, carry a wand in your back pocket, and hope that by the time they establish Starfleet Academy- you're not too old to enroll.

Yes, I love Lord of The Rings. I've read the books many many many many times, and seen the movies far more times than is probably healthy. I want to be a hobbit. And Farmir's wife. And Pippin's wife. And live in Rohan, with my pet cave troll.

Yes I love Harry Potter. I cried on my eleventh birthday when I didn't get my Hogwart's letter. I would totally marry Severus Snape, and I say "Lumos" whenever I turn on a flashlight.

Yes, I love Star Trek. My faves are Original Series and Voyager. I am in love with Spock, and as previously stated I am anxiously awaiting the establishment of Star Fleet Academy.

I play Call of Duty. I watch cartoons. I love superheroes. I wish I could Air-bend. And I wear huge non-prescription glasses just for kicks 

I am a nerd.

And to all those people out there who mock me, or wonder how I have any friends, or pity the man who I end up married to...I have only this to say:

Avada Kedavra skank.

I'm happier than you.

The End.

Ketchup (Get it, like Catch-Up?)

Sorry again y'all. School is sucking away my soul (in a good way) so I've been horribly lax in my posting this month. I do have some news for you guys though....


I MADE USU's BIG BAND SWING DANCE TEAM!!!!!!!!

Feel free to offer me tokens of your admiration preferably in the form of money, colorful tights, or smoothies.

I had my first official "Swing Team" meeting last night and I could not be more excited! I am one of eight members on the "elite" competition team which is cleverly named "Swingcopation" and I will be traveling to Salt Lake, Provo, Colorado, and possibly Iowa to compete for USU! This is literally a dream come true for me, and I am SOOO FREAKING HAPPY!!!

Other than that, my life is pretty lame.
I go to class, I come home from class, I eat, I study, I play my guitar, and I party like a rock star with my roomies. Basically the  typical life of every college student.

My classes this semester are pretty bomb (yes, I totally just said that) I'm taking Chinese 1010 which I LOVE!!!! I can totally ask you how you are and how your family is doing in Chinese now. And I can sing a really cheesy 80's love song called "The Moon Represents My Heart" I feel so in touch with my Inner-Asian because of this class. Pretty soon I'm going to only eat rice and fish and all my clothes will have Hello Kitty on them.

My other classes are pretty awesome too- my Intro to Elementary Education professor is this adorable older lady named Dorothy. We get to sing songs, read books, and color. No joke. It's the best thing of my life. I'm also taking an FCHD Development Across The LIfespan class that is mostly pretty boring, but I entertain myself by debating whether or not the professor is gay, and also immenesly enjoying how much he looks like a meerkat.

That's pretty much it so far....sorry it's not more exciting. I'll try to do better.

THe ENd.