The Quote Wall and Seven Kills

Quote walls have become quite the trend in the apartments on my floor. And given that we are all kind of crazy, you can only imagine the kinds of crazy things we say! In this post, I will share some of my favorite quotes from my favorite crazy friends.

1. "Girl, I don't want yo breasts and thighs, I just want me a Double Down!"
         This was naturally uttered by a human of the male gender. All of my man friends that live down the hall are obsessed with the artery-clogging-infarction-inducing-abomination know as the KFC Double-Down. I can quite honestly say that I will never in my life want to partake of this disgusting creation, but men seem to love it. As it so happens, my man-friends were on a late night Double-down run when they were told by the workers that they were out of double-downs but would be happy to give them some tasty chicken breasts or thighs. As you can tell, they weren't particularly happy about the situation.

2.  "If the soap do what the soap do, then you do what the soap do too."
        This is one of those things that makes absolutely no sense. Again this highly intellectual statement (I'm going to steal from Dan Bergestein and say that my sarcasm hand is very very much raised) is the work of my down the hall man friends. And while the quote itself makes no sense, the fact that it was said by the person that said it makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, I don't think that sentence made any sense at all.

3.  "I'm naked! Come on in!"
      For some inexplainable reasons, everything my roommate says makes her sound like a very scandalous woman. Others include " I just couldn't keep my clothes on" , and "Who should I seduce?" If you knew my roommate, you would find this hilarious, because she is absolutely the sweetest person on earth. The fact that her language is so scandalous is really really funny.

On a completely unrelated note: I am slowly becoming addicted to Call of Duty.

I never understood how guys could spend so much time playing these army shooting games, but I've started playing, and holy crap. They are actually fun! Granted: I probably suck more than anyone else in the world, but I do enjoy it! I've been playing a bunch lately, and I am slowly getting better! I can actually run around now without running into walls, and when I shoot people sometimes I actually hit them!! Today I actually got seven kills! Did you hear that? SEVEN!

For those of you that are super-pro at Call of Duty....shut up. Seven was awesome for me!

I am slowly becoming a cold-blooded killing machine! Woohoo!

And also, today I learned how to tie a tie!

I

Love

College.

The End.

I'm definitely NOT a canteen filler.

College, as I have told you previously, is a great place to meet men.
It is also (as my good friend Lara Smith would agree) a great place to meet creepy men.

I decided to go country swing dancing with my friend Whitney, and while I was swingin' away I started dancing with this kid...let's call him...Frank. So, Frank and I had a really good time, he ended up asking for my number and I gladly gave it to him. I was hoping to get a text from him later in the week or something, but no, not two minutes after I had left I got a text. And not two texts after that, I had a date.

I was still looking forward to the date, but I was getting increasingly creeped out by Frank. He was constantly texting me, or calling me, and over our many conversations I discovered that he leaves on his mission in two weeks! What kind of two-weeks-away-from-being-gone-for-two-years goes around trying to pick up on girls? I sought council from some of the guys that live down the hall and recieved this oh-so-eloquent explanation.

"If you're going to go into the desert for two years, you're going to want to take a really big drink!"

followed by:

"A smart man definitely wants get his canteen good and full!"

I guess that's what I get for asking advice from college guys. Anyway, I was a little wary of my upcoming date with Frank. I was mostly thinking he was trying to get some last minute action before he entered "The Desert".

So. The date comes. We go to a haunted corn maze. Bad idea. I don't do very well with scary things, at all. It was pretty clear that Frank was counting on me to cling onto him, and I didn't really want to. So I clung to my roommate instead.

DEAR MEN. IF YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT TAKING A GIRL TO A HAUNTED CORN MAZE  DON'T. THEY ARE NOT FUN. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A CREEP.

After we finally made it out of the corn maze, I was trying to think of excuses to have the date end as soon as possible. So we went back to my apartment, watched a movie, and then the seeds of disaster were sown. One of my roommates was getting ready to go to the homecoming dance, and then Frank asked me if I wanted to go with him. (I should probably mention that I spent the whole movie texting one of my guy friends and we had planned to go to the dance together) So I told Frank that I wasn't feeling good, and as soon as he left, I hurried and got ready and then went with my other friend that we'll call Ryan. Ryan and I had a ton of fun, we met up with a bunch of our friends on our floor and danced like crazy people. However, as we were leaving guess who I ran into?

If you guessed Darth Vader....you're wrong.

If you guessed Chuck Bartowski....you are also wrong.

If you guessed my creeper date Frank, you get an A+ and a smiley face sticker. Congratulations!

Let me just say, you have never experienced awkward until you run into the creeper date that you bailed out on an hour earlier. I could have handled the situation with more grace, but as soon as I saw Frank I grabbed Ryan and ran away. I was hoping that Frank hadn't seen me, but no such luck. He was pretty pissed.

Oh well. He'll be on his mission in two weeks anyway.

And his canteen will be empty.

The end.

Ribcage Boomerangs and Sheep Semen

 

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 13. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Disclaimers are fun times. Now I bet you're in a lot of suspense, I feel so powerful....

Being a Veterinary Science major, it is inevitable that at some point in my education I will have to do unsightly things to animals. When you hear what I have done, you may be disgusted, revolted, terrified, horrified, other synonyms for shocked. But I want to make it very clear that the things I have done helped better the lives of the animals. Though they may not have enjoyed it, it was for their own good.

The members of my animal science class were invited to spend the day in Wyoming testing the sperm production of the rams on a ranch belonging to one of my professors bosom buddies. So all of us eager young scholars spent our day having our eyes opened to some things that we really didn't ever want to see. 

To collect semen from a sheep is not as easy as it sounds. You have to take a big probe-looking-thing with all these little rods on it that looks kind of like a 3-barrel hair crimper, and shove it into the sheep's anus. Once the sheep stops writhing in pain, you turn the probe on and it sends electrical shocks to the sheep's prostate, causing it to ejaculate into this little cup.

I know what you're thinking. Especially if you're a man. 

And I know that it sounds ridiculous, but I actually had a lot of fun molesting sheep. I learned a lot of valuable lessons about the life of a veterinarian, and about sheep. 

After we were done with the sheep, we decided to explore the sagebrush sea of wyoming. Mostly, there was sagebrush. But we did find an entire cow skeleton! The poor thing was completely decomposed and the entire skeleton was intact, it was really cool. I don't know if this was insulting to the cows memory or anything, but the skeleton was far too enticing to just leave sitting there! so we started ripping it's ribs off and trying to use them as boomerangs.

DISCLAIMER: BOVINE RIBS ARE INEFFECTIVE BOOMERANGS

THEY DO HOWEVER MAKE EXCELLENT JAVELINS

Lifes Little Slightly Awkward Wonders

Being a college student, there are many times when I arrive at my place of residence and the hour is very late. When this happens, I brush my teeth, feed my fish, make faces at my fish, go into my room, feel insanely guilty because my roommate left the light on for me and had to fall asleep with a huge glaring light in her face, change out of my clothes, and then jump into bed.

Underwear, Underpants, Panties, Unmentionables, whatever you want to call them are very exhilarating to sleep in. This is one of my new favorite activities. I know it sounds weird and ....um...weird..but I really do quite enjoy it. I also love when my bra and panties match I know that no one will ever see it, but I always feel very satisfied.

On a completely unrelated note: I love DI. I'm pretty sure that DI is secretly the Room of Requirement from Harry Potter because no matter what you're looking for-you can find it at DI. I recently found a pair of ridiculously amazing cowboy boots! and the best part? They were only ten bucks!

The End.