BON VOYAGE!!

Some of you may judge me for the tale I'm about to tell.

Do it.

I don't give a flying fart in space.

Today, I was a participant in the great, the chaotic, the hilarious,

2011 Mouse-Boat Races!

Yes.
We bulit boats.

Put mice in them.

And raced them down a river.

This was my boat.

It is made out of styrofoam, popsicle sticks, ribbon, and hope.

It was without a doubt the cutest boat there.

Myself, and my fellow boat builders.

Our fearless seafarers

The captain readying his ship.

Our ship and sailor, readying for departure.

I didn't ever officially name our mouse,

but in retrospect... I like the sound of

Captain Whipwhiskers

And they're off!!!

Navigating through terrible rapids.

So far Cap'n Whipwhiskers is holding steady in second place.

Then, tragedy struck when the boat capsized.

We can only hope that the good Captain was wise enough to swim to shore.

If not, we mourn his loss.

This boat was the ultimate champion.

It's a big shoe box with water bottles stuck onto the bottom.

As far as rodent-vessels go- it was pretty much bad-A.

3 out of 5 mice-sailors made it out alive.

Cap'n Whipwhiskers and one other were the only casualties.

This brave youngster seems quite unphased by the whole ordeal.

Bless his little whiskered soul.

{All in All}

It was a hilarious endeavor that I thoroughly enjoyed.

If you are ever bored

And you have extra mice,

I heartily suggest that you do this.

THE END.

Barmy

I was trying to think of something clever and possibly alliterative to name this post.

I couldn't think of anything, so I turned to my trusty friend

The Thesaurus.

(FYI, a thesaurus is NOT what Dinosaurs called each other)

Dino 1: "Hey, who's thesaurus over there?"

Dino 2: "Oh you know, he's thesaurus we met when we ate that triceratops last week."

But don't feel sheepish if that's what you thought it was until 4th grade. You're not alone.

Anyway...I looked up "crazy" in the thesaurus, and I found the word Barmy.

It's my new favorite word.

I have several phobias that can definitely be described as barmy.

They are as follows:

Number One

Chihuahuas

I know what you're thinking.

Chihuahua's? Really?

THey just sit there with their huge buggy eyes and shake!

How is that scary???

Notice that I said ChihuhuaS meaning more than one.

One chihuahua is nothing, but once you get two or more, they form this little pack and become evil.

No joke.

If I see chihuahuas, I freak out.

WHich is bad, because they can smell fear.

Number Two

Dolphins

Dolphins swim up on shore and rape people.

Also, they're always smiling at you like they know something.

It freaks me out.

Number Three

Other People's Bathrooms

I'm fine with public bathrooms, but I hate Hate HATE using the bathrooms in people's houses.

 I'm always afraid that I'll either break something, or that a serial killer is hiding behind the shower curtain.

Number Four

Venus Flytraps

What if I accidentally put my hand too close and it tries to chomp it off?

Number Five

Aliens

I watched this movie once about this lady whose daughter was abducted by aliens.

They voip you out of your bed, and do freaky experiments on you.

But the worst part? They give you alien ruffies so you can't remember any of it.

Vulcans don't count as aliens though.

I love Vulcans.

Number Six

Clowns

When I was little, my grandparents took me to the circus.

There were clowns there.

One was this sad little clown, with golf balls in his cheeks, holding a sign that said

"Kisses, 10 cents"

My grandma made me kiss the clown.

I was traumatized for the rest of my life.

Number Seven

Childbirth

I don't know how in the world women go through this.

It sounds like the most horrible, painful, traumatizing thing in the world.

I'll just skip it, and adopt Asian babies.

Number Eight

Falling

I hate hate hate hate HATE it.
This is why I never ride The Rocket.

And I'm very wary of cliffs.

And stairs.

Number Nine

Robots

I am Robot.

Terminator.

Decepticons

The Day The Earth Stood Still

How many times do we have to watch the same story before we realize that robots will ultimately be the destruction of humanity?

The only good robots are Wall:E, Eva, and R2D2

The rest are just jerks

Number Ten

The Joker

Mostly just the Heath Ledger Joker.

He still gives me nightmares.

THe Jack Nicholson Joker just makes me laugh.

{SO}

There you have it.

My barmy fears.

Mock me if you will

But don't come crying to me when you're attacked by a chihuahua.

Or a robot.

The End.

Note To Shelf....I Rock.

Just an FYI.

In this post I am going to be tooting my own horn.

This is my blog, I'm allowed to do that.

Remember when I told you guys that my apartment is super small?

Well, I totally meant it.

We still have two girls that need to move in, and there is no space.

Especially in the kitchen.

I don't even have hardly any food, and I was taking up almost half the cupboard space, my roommate Haydn is a crazy baker woman and has enough baking stuff to fill up three kitchens. It was a problem.

So.

Today.

Myself and Haydn set out on a mission.

We were going to find some shelves that we could put in our kitchen, so that there was actually some space for everyone's food. We left the safe haven of our teeny apartment and ventured out into the great unkown, into the wild wilderness of shopping centers located in the Cache Valley area.

Our journey first took us to Hobby Lobby. I fetching LOVE this place. I want to have 18 houses that I can fill up with all the cute stuff from this store. Also IKEA. We walked that store up and down...and also sideways. But despite our greatest efforts, no suitable shelves were found. We found some really super cute ones, and we wanted them....but then we realized that we're poor...and we still need to buy groceries...so we moved on.

Our second endeavor led us to ROSS. This is another store that I have much affection for. When you are in college, and you love to buy clothes- ROSS is comparable to the Merry Old Land Of Oz. You can get super cute shirts there for like five bucks! It rocks.

Unfortunately, they don't really have shelves.

'Twas a bummer.

After ROSS, we headed to Michael's, sure that they would have what we were looking for. It turns out...they didn't. We found diddly squat at that place and we were starting to get discouraged. We wanted our shelves dang it!!! We then went to ShopKo. Also Diddly-Squat. Then, Haydn recalled that her grandmother suggested we take our journey to K-Mart. Neither of us had ever shopped there ever, so we were a little skeptical, but decided we had nothing left to lose.

We walked into K-Mart, browsed around for a bit, and then do you know what we found??? We found the coolest thing ever, it was a lamp shaped like one of the cute little green aliens from Toy Story. I was in awe. Also....WE FOUND SHELVES!!!! They're just simple little white storage unit shelves, but they're cute, they work, AND they were only 15 bucks! We scored.

Big Time.

We then scurried home like little rabbits, because we wanted to get our shelves put together before Haydn had to go to work. We unpackaged them, read the instructions, and then realized one major flaw in our shelf-building plans.

We don't have tools.

None at all.

We're women. Building things is not our forte, so it didn't even occur to us to bring something like a screwdriver to college.

That's what men are for.

So, we went to all the apartments around ours trying to find ANYONE with a screwdriver. 20 minutes and 8 apartments later, we finally found one. A very nice gentleman named Cliff lent us his very nifty Phillips-Head screwdriver and we were back in business!!

I took us all of 15 minutes, and we had our shelves. They look awesome, we put them together the right way and everything!

I've never built anything before in my life, except legos...so this was a huge deal for me!! I am so proud of myself it's not even funny.

Not even a little bit.

Moral of this story: Gingers get things done!!

The End.

"Amusement" Park

Once again, I apologize for being so horribly lax in my posting this summer. I'm a horrible person and all that jazz. But, if YOU worked over 40 hours every week, you might not get to play around on your computer as much as you like either...just sayin'.

Working at Lagoon has proven to be much more...interesting than I thought it would be. And, by interesting, I do not mean that my work itself is interesting-because it is not. I mean the things that happen to me at work are interesting, and sometimes not in a good way.  

RANDOM THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME AT LAGOON

1. I discovered how much of a weakness I have for men that have accents. Seriously- they can even be kind of unattractive but as soon as I hear them talk I go all to pieces. This is unfortunate when the only people you work with are European. It makes focusing on work very very hard...especially when they are very pretty. Which some of them are. 

2. I learned some sweet bowstaffing skills. One day, no one was coming on my ride, and the guy I was working with was this big tough looking foreign man. We started sweeping, and he started doing CRAZY flippy spinny things with his broom. It was impressive. It turns out, that back in Bulgaria he studied martial arts for four years and was super awesome. We spent the rest of the shift whacking each other with brooms. It was awesome.

3. Karl Malone is very nice. He brought his family to Lagoon and I got to meet him. At first, I didn't know who he was- I just figured that everybody was staring at him because he was so freaking tall! But it turns out that he was really just Karl Malone. It was cool beans.

4. A man once brought a fake tarantula on my ride and pretended to throw it at me to see if I would freak out.

I did.

5. These boys decided they loved me, so they came on my ride almost 20 times so they could talk to me. They even gave me a stuffed animal they won at one of the games. They were precious...but too young for me. 

6. I helped stop a criminal in his tracks! A kid tried to walk out of one of the stores with a bunch of stuff under his shirt. After we noticed him, he tried to run away but we caught him- and I got to stand watch and make sure he didn't get away again. Granted, he was only 8 years old, but it was exciting all the same.

7. I learned that while foreign men may be pretty, it is not good to give them your number. They will stalk you. And send you creeper texts. And you have to tell them that you have a boyfriend. And you have a lot of awkward encounters in the break room. The End.

8. One day, it was raining, and Puff The Magic Dragon wouldn't work...so they had to run it with people in it to try and get the breaks working....and I had to ride it, in the rain, 20 times in a row. Stupid Puff.

9. A man threw up on my ride and I had to clean it up. He ate hash browns for breakfast...I will not be eating hash browns again in the foreseeable future....Jibblie... 

10. People never ask me how my day is, what my favorite movie is, what kind of music I like, what my favorite kind of skittle is. No. They without fail ask me the same thing. Every. Day.

YES THIS IS MY NATURAL HAIR COLOR! HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A GINGER BEFORE??? I appreciate that they're in awe of my hair...but I'm getting really sick of that being the only thing people ever ask me about. 

These are the most "amusing" things that have happened to me thus far. I have made a lot of children cry, and it makes me feel like a bad person inside, but other than that Lagoon is pretty mundane. And by "Pretty" I mean horribly. 

Moral of The Story: I can't wait for fall

The End.

I Can Be Your Hero Birdy!!

Today has been most eventful! I got up by nine, which is big for me. I'm usually lucky to make it out of bed by eleven. I really enjoy my sleep. Anywhoo, I came upstairs and was watching Mythbusters with my little sister, when the unthinkable happened... outside my Living Room window there was an attempted murder.


"A murder?" you may say, "Surely you must be exaggerating!"


My dear readers, I assure you that I am telling you the honest-to-Zeus truth. If I hadn't stepped in, an innocent soul would have perished. It would have DIED. No lie, though,  as I'm sure you have gathered already, this wasn't a human attempting murder- but it was a very vicious Bluejay trying to kill a very cute little Finch that I like to call Pippin. I had already watched one innocent bird perish from my Living Room window, and I wasn't about to let another one come to the same fate. I ran outside and chased away the evil Bluejay, poor Pippin was laying on the ground with his wing all bent trying to roll over onto his feet. I decided to take some action so I ran inside, got a shoebox, and very gently gave Pippin a new home safe from any hungry bluejays.


Once I got Pippin inside...I realized something very important. I have no idea what to do with an injured bird. I googled remedies for broken wings and further realized how inadequate I was to restore this little bird back to full health. And I wanted to be a veteranarian...


I decided that I needed to put Pippin in the hands of people that would be able to take care of him. So I called up the Utah Wildlife Rehabilitation Center, and they said they'd be happy to take him. I then drove him out, dropped him off, and felt very satisfied with myself. It's not every day that you save the life of an innocent little bird! 


Moral of the story: You can always be a hero to somebody.


The End.

Only Your Real Friends Will Tell You When Your Face is Dirty

I have truly been blessed to have some of the most amazing friends in the world.


Me, Lara Smith, and Jackie Loveland have been besties since we were wee sophomores. Well... they were average sized sophomores, I was the wee one. When we met, the three of us had been through an awful lot of rejection. None of us could find a place where we really fit in, and we had all kind of developed an inferiority complex, we weren't good enough for anybody, and no one would ever like us for who we really were. Luckily, we all decided to join marching band, where we found each other and our lives changed.


I remember the first time I really talked to Jackie, I'd known who she was since middle school, but we had never really connected before. We were chatting it up after marching band practice, and she smoothly inserted a Homestar Runner-ism into the conversation. It was then I knew we were friends. That day, we walked the mile and a half to my house, discovering the many things we had in common along the way, and then Jackie walked the three miles back to her house. After that we were best friends. 

I don't think there was an exact moment where Lara became one of us, it was more of a gradual process, all I know is that by the end of marching band seasons, we were tote's BFF's. We even dubbed ourselves as superheros of band. That's right fools. We were the bandtasmics!

We were so awesome. And for about a year and a half we wrote and illustrated our own bandtasmic comic strips and taped them to the wall of the band room. 

We stayed friends all through High School and while we all would occasionally drift apart, something would always bring us back together. Then we graduated and made the very lame decision to all go to separate colleges. I'm living it up as an Aggie, Lara's rocking the U, and Jackie's halfway between us at Weber. Despite our seperation, we have stayed as close as ever, and alway take the time to make sure we know what's going on in each other's lives. 

Last night we were chatting it up via facebook and Lara mentioned to me that she had heard some very distressing news about Jackie. Jackie recently got out of a relationship that was very trying for her, and someone had told us that she was looking into purchasing a pregnancy test. The two of us were terrified that Jackie was pregnant, and just hadn't found a way to tell us yet.

So we debated for a long time whether we should just straight up ask her, or just casually bring up pregnancy in conversation and see what happened, or just wait nine months to see if a little stranger came out of her uterus. We decided to just call her, and I volunteered to be the call-ee.

You have never had an awkward phone conversation until you've had to ask one of your best friends if she's pregnant. 

This is basically how the conversation went:

Me: Hey Jackie it's me, your friend. That is ginger.

Jackie: Um.. Hi?

Me:...I don't really know how to put this...so I'm just going to go for it... Lara and I heard that you went to buy a pregnancy test....so...um....are..you....pregnant?

Jackie: (bursting into laughter) WHAT?!!?! NO!! OF COURSE NOT!!

Me: phew, that is great great news. Wow. Thanks for not being pregnant I guess...

Jackie:...um... anytime?...

Yeah, I know it sounds awkward, but it was 12 billion times worse in person.

I just want to say, that I love these girls. I love that we can go a month without talking and still know everything about each other. I love how we think our inside jokes from four years ago are still funny. I love how we can finish each others sentences while we're chatting on facebook. I love that we can call each other to ask if we're pregnant, and then spend an hour afterwards laughing about it. I love all the great memories we've shared, and the many many more to come. 

It's been great you guys

The End.

A Rather Pointless Adventure

So, I am going to enter into the servitude of Utah's most successful theme park. Woot. 


Today was supposed to be my first training. I came all the way down from Logan, rode the bus all the way to Farmington (this creepy pre-adolescent kid stared at me the ENTIRE ride), I walk into Lagoon and I swear I only saw three people the entire time I was in there. It was so weird! I felt indecent, like Lagoon was naked or something. But, I went to the Log Flume ride where I was supposed to do my training, waited for ten minutes, and the only living thing that showed up was a goose. It saw me, honked like I kicked it, and ran away. Apparently I have Psychic-goose-torturing-powers. That will come in handy someday.....maybe. 


So I called up my advisor person, told her I was patiently waiting to be trained, and she told me that my shift today had been cancelled. Yup. I missed class, suffered through a torturous bus ride, ESP-pissed off a goose, for nothing. 


Grrr...

A Stationary Tale

Sometimes in life, things happen that we can't explain and we don't understand. 


Examples of this:

• The fact that I can get internet at the bottom of my bed, but not at the top.
• Daniel Radcliffe was such a cute kid, but turned out to be so unattractive.
• The existence of the song "Friday" by Rebecca Black
• Johnny Depp hasn't won an oscar
• I can forget to eat until 2 and I'm fine, but if I'm fasting I feel like I'm going to die
• People actually like Anne Hathaway
• Butter is so freaking expensive
• Logan, Utah doesn't have a Victoria's Secret
• Or a Target
• But it has 2 Wal-Marts
• I still don't have a boyfriend

These are all very troubling matters, but I have another one that presents a more immediate concern. 

• Sometimes when you don't use markers for an extended period of time, and then you go to use them, they explode all over you.

Unfortunately I know all about this firsthand.

You see, it was my amazing roommate Haydn Owens' birthday yesterday, and she hates Jimmer. (Basketball Player for BYU) We decided it would be hilarious to get her a Jimmer poster for her birthday. We couldn't find one so we had to suffice with just a plain BYU poster and we decided we would right "Teach me how to Jimmer" on it. I have this HUGE sharpie that I knew would be perfect for poster-writing, so once we got the poster I scampered back to my room to retrieve it! I opened it and.....

And.....

Curse you Sharpie Magnum!

It was everywhere. All over my hands. It dripped onto my feet. And there's a big splotch on my bathroom floor. Sharpie's are very messy stuff. And, they're meant to last for a long time, which is why two days and 17 hand washes later, I still have splotches all over me. My hands look like they're trying to masquerade as a zebra. 

So, all of you marker-using people. I'm a cautionary tale. Make sure you use all your markers regularly, and if you're concerned, just open it over the sink. Actually, given the faint purplish hue of my sink at the moment, it might be best to open it over the garbage can, or the face of an enemy.

I hope that all of you have a wonderful, ink-free day!!!

And if you have any ridiculous ink stories I would love to hear all about them!