Hunky and Hilarious

What would you think of me if I told you

that every day for the last month

I have woken up next to a hot, shirtless, man?

Not just one hot, shirtless, man either.

{365}

SHIRTLESS MEN

Now, I know what you're thinking:

{What kind of slut do we have here??}

Well, my dear readers, I assure you that I am not in the least bit promiscuous. 
I haven't even been on a date in nigh unto four months.

I DO, HOWEVER,
 happen to be in the possession of a very 
steamy, racy, hunky, caliente, and all other synonyms for HAWT
calendar.

I got it for my birthday. From my Aunt.
It's a "Hot Man" calendar.
It's sitting on my nightstand. 
Which means, everyday, I open my eyes and the first thing I see is the newest hot man and a ridiculous, supposed-to-be-sexy quote that always makes me laugh. 

The most memorable ones include:

Branton: Five ft Nine and looking fine.

Ed: A hike, A beer, and a long sensual massage. Sound good to you?

Rico: Saving a spot on my hammock for you.

Richard: A bottle of red, a bottle of white, it all depends on your appetite.

Lowell: Lost in a sea of emotion over you.

Felipe: Wanted- Meaningful one-night relationship

Forest: I'd like to unravel the mystery of you.

Fetching. Hilarious. Amirite?
 And every day, I take the hot man, and tape him to the wall outside my bedroom. It's only the end of February and my men already cover about half the wall. 

It rocks.

Also, quick update on the goings-on with this here Ginger,
This week me and my swing dance team boldly go where no Utah team has ever gone before... Iowa.
That's right! We are competing in the 
Heartland Swing Festival and Collegiate Jitterbug Championship!!
I am so.
Excited.
We've been training for this competition since September, and it's going to be amazing to finally get a chance to show everyone what we're made of.
And, it's just going to be a blast.

Don't worry, I'll take billions of pictures and tell you all about it!

But in the meantime, 
Wish Me Luck!!!!!!

The End.
 
   



How Almost, I Had To Kill Someone

I am, for the most part, a happy and peaceful person.

While I am a ginger and prone to quick flashes of anger.... and to sunburns... I rarely want to actually hurt people.

Unfortunately,

today was one of the times that I did.

I have a lot of clothes, which means that I can go a long time without having to do laundry. Which also means that when I actually get around to doing laundry... I have a lot of it to do.

Like today.

So I get up, later than I should have, but I was up late last night watching scary movies and I had no school today. So give me a break.

Anyways, I got up, and decided that it was finally time to do some clothes washing. I got all my clothes, barely managed to fit them all in my giant laundry bin, and carried it to the laundry room.

Then.

The trouble started.

I got two washers; one for whites, one for everything else.

I started them, and then went back to my apartment to drink Dr. Pepper and watch How I Met Your Mother.

When I went back to switch the loads into the dryer, I noticed something was a wee bit off.

My whites were all sparkly and clean,

but my darks... oh dear.

Some of them weren't even wet, and they were all covered with soap.

I didn't get upset, I just decided to run the washer again.So half an hour I came back...

somehow the washer died half way through the cycle and my clothes were now submurged in a pool of murky soap water.

Now I was pissed.

I had used up all my quarters washing them the second time, and they were nowhere near clean. I decided to switch to a different washer, put my basket on top of it, and scampered to my apartment to get more quarters.

Now, I was only gone for 3 minutes tops.

It's not like I foolishly and needlessly abandoned my laundry, but when I returned...my basket was on the ground

and some

arrogant

PRETENTIOUS

Inconsiderate

FOOL

had put their clothes in my washer.

I had been trying to have clean clothes for nigh unto 2 hours by now, and I had to wait for some idiot who just waltzed on in and stole my washer on a whim, until I could finish.

I was livid.

Oh yes.

Livid.

I may have cursed

and even

cussed

just a little bit.

All I wanted was clean, dry, clothes!!!
Is that too much to ask for??!?!?!

Apparantley it was

because I had to wait another hour

and a half

to get my laundry all washed and dried.

It was a long, tough battle my readers.

But I endured to the end,

and am currently wearing my lovely

clean, dry, and warm clothes.

The End.



Reasons Why Brittany Should Get A Mastiff

Last night,

I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends.

We played Dance Central

Ate milkshakes

and watched Zoolander.

It was good times.

The house we were all at belongs to two of my friend's aunt and uncle, and previous times I had been there I had gotten to play with their adorable chocolate lab.

I loved that dog.

As we were getting ready to leave, I asked my friend Carson if they still had the dog, because I hadn't seen or heard it all night.

He told me that they did, and they had gotten a new dog.

A Mastiff.

ohmyholyalltypesofgoodness.

That dog was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

It was ginormous, like I could have ridden it ginormous

and it's head was as big as a watermelon.

And it had these HUGE sad eyes

And I just wanted to hug it and pet it and feed it bacon.

I loved that dog.

And I want it for my own.

So here it is,

{Many Reasons}

{That I Should Get a Mastiff}

1.THey are fetching the cutest dogs in the entire world.

Come on, look at this face and tell me that your heartstrings are not even a little bit tugged.

It's so chubbly and wrinkly, I just have to love it.

2.Sometimes they look like lions.

Don't believe me?

Check it:

uncanny. Amirite??

3.I would never have to worry about getting raped, mugged, abducted, or robbed. Once they saw my pet beast, they would shat themselves with fear and run far far away.

4.I would never have to buy fertilizer. Those things must make some seriously massive poop. My garden and grass and neighbors will be set for life from my mastiff!

5.I would save much dollars on cars and gas and such. I'd just ride my mastiff.

6.I could name it Rutherford.

7.Or Aberforth

8.It would give me awesome hugs.

9.Baby ones look like this:

10. It could babysit.

See??

A Mastiff is the most absolute perfect pet there is!

I should get one

YOU should get one

EVERYONE should get one!!!

The End.

Wayne's World

Right now.

For the first time ever,

I'm watching Wayne's World.

I'm now going to tell you all about it.

Wayne and Garth are dudes.

Bill and Ted style dudes.

And they have their own TV show that they film in their basement.

So far, my favorite moment was when Wayne sees a sexy Asian bass player chick and says

"She will be mine. Oh yes. She will be mine."

In a really kind of creepy way.

also when he says this

"Garth, marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries"

Mike Meyers has silly girly hair.

And tight pants.

Some rich man wants to put Wayne's World on actual tv,

so he comes to talk to Wayne and Garth.

Garth just  ducked under the table and told a silly story.

"Don't you think this is weird? Why does this guy have a contract? It's like that Twilight zone where this guy signed a contract and then they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar. But it didn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to tons of tiny baby tongues. That's pretty cool."

Wayne is in love with an Asian.

She screams a lot.

But bad news, I think the aforementioned rich man is also in love with the Asian. Freaking Asians, everyone loves them.

She has awesome clothes, right now she's wearing high waisted purple spandex pants with a blue lace shirt and a blue bra underneath.

The 80's were marvellous times.

Oh goodness, wayne's about to declare his love to Cassandra.

He started learning Cantonese for her.

Then his ex girlfriend crashed through a window out of sheer jealous rage. It was "excellent"

Now Garth and Wayne are sitting on Garth's car and Garth is whisling like Gandalf. YOu know, in the two towers when he's calling Shadowfax the lord of all horses?

They were musing about the hotness of Cassandra when Garth said:

"Did you ever find bugs bunny attractive when he put on a dress and acted like a girl bunny?"

Then they laughed like lunatics and a jet flew over them.

Scene Change.

Now they're in the studio for the first time

And they are silly gooses.

They asked Garth how he likes being in the studio and he said

"It's like a new pair of underwear, at first it's constrictive. But then it becomes a part of you....."

Everyone gave him weird looks and he ran away.

I'm getting tired of writing. So here I end.

That is Wayne's World.

So far.

And it's Excellent!



Valentimes.

I write this as my 20th Valentines Day draws to a close.

I, like all single women the world over,

really don't have much enthusiasm for a day

that makes me want to do nothing more than wear sweat pants, eat ice cream, and watch every Jane Austen movie ever made.

Twice.

And possibly tear up a little at all the "Mrs. Darcy"'s and those looks that Colonel Brandon gives Marianne Dashwood.

But only a little.

Obviously, Love was heavy on my mind today.

But I wasn't thinking about the love I don't have,

At least not very much.

I mostly thought about the kind of love I hope I have in the future.

And here's what I want:

I've come to realize, as I've grown older,

that I don't care if my husband is rich

or looks like Brad Pitt

or is an amazing chef

or a super genius

or Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

All I care about is that he's a good man

who will help me raise a family

who will be my best friend forever.

Someone who will be the big spoon

and resident Spider killer

and will pretend to love what I cook even if I burn it.

Which will probably be most of the time.

The End.

Day 9: In Which Brittany Gets Embarassed

There are times,

when I do things

that are silly.

And sometimes they turn out great!

But the rest of the time,

I end up looking very much like a fool.

This weekend,

was one of those times when I very much looked like a fool.

Friday night, after we got off work, Haydn and I were trying to decide what in the world we should do with ourselves.

On a whim, we decided to go to the mall

and try on prom dresses.

I don't care how old you are, life is better when you're wearing a pretty dress.
Or so I thought...

So there we were at Dillards, trying on many dresses.

One that I tried on, just for fun, was this kind of

really tight

really short

ruffly purple and green dress.

It looked really cute,

but when I tried to take it off I came to a very startling realization.

I

Was Stuck.

I couldn't get the stupid dress off!!

It didn't have a zipper or anything, you just slipped it on and I for the life of me could not slip it off.

I tried and tried and tried for nigh unto 20 minutes

and the darn thing wouldn't budge!!!!

I tried slipping it off over my head.

didn't work.

I tried slipping it off over my waist.

Not happening.

I was starting to think that maybe I would be trapped in that stupid slutty dress forever, or that they'd have to bring in the Jaws of LIfe or something to cut me out.

Then I thought to myself, "What Would Zooey Deschanel Do?"

She wouldn't just sit there and let some stupid dress get the best of her, she would take the darned thing off!!

So, gosh darnit, I got it off.

It wasn't easy

And it wasn't graceful

And it took a lot longer than it should have

But I got that stupid dress off

And then I threw it on the floor.

And vowed never again to wear slutty strapless dresses.

Unfortunately, this was not the end of my embarrasment this weekend.

Last night, me and the Swing Team were invited to perform at a valentines dance in Layton.

We really didn't have a lot of time to practice this week, so we were unable to run through our routine at all before the performance.

Do you want to hear a fascinating tip about dancing?

If you don't do the routine at all for over two weeks before you

perform, you forget it.

And forget we did.

We completely, totally, utterly tanked it.

It was probably the worst performance of my whole life.

Fortunately, all the people we danced for know nothing about swing dancing and they told us that we had performed wonderfully.

Old people are so nice.

The End. 

Day 8: I Believe

I'm an Aggie.

I'm a true blooded Aggie from Utah

And I love the spot

Where the sagebrush grows.

If you've never been to a sporting event at USU, you probably think that I'm speaking jibberish.

You have also never lived.

Aggie games, especially Aggie basketball games are the most

epic

in the world.

No joke. 

We Aggies pride ourselves on our basketball team,

and we are very VERY full of pride.

In fact, we have been named one of the top 5 student sections in the nation many, many times.

We don't mess around.

We do this chant at the beginning of every game, and I tell you what

it

is

awesome.

You're literally in an ocean of blue-clad students,

 all jumping up and down, and all screaming so loud

that you can't even hear yourself over the massive wall of sound.

There's something about the Spectrum that turns even sweet, passive people like me into angry, bloodthirsty savages.

I don't really watch sports that much,

but when it comes to my Aggies, I don't mess around.

None of us do.

I don't really even know what this song means,

all I know is that I fetching love being an Aggie.

My two years here have truly been the best of my life.

The End



Day 7: Secret Plans

There is one thing in this world

that I want right now.

And it's a bunny.

I really really really REALLY want just a little bunny that I can hold and snuggle with and just watch its little bunny nose go up and down and up and down like that youtube video with the bunnies in the cups.

Haydn and I have been looking at bunnies...

and we've decided that we want a Netherland Dwarf one.

They super cute, super small, and they super look like this:

Cutest fetching thing in the world right????

I want one so bad.

I want a white one.

And I would name it Luna.

Or possibly Reginald.

Best Idea ever right?

And do you want to hear the best part????

We found some baby ones for sale....

....and mebbe we could get one over Spring Break....

Nothing is set in stone,

but it's definitely possible.

And I'm freaking excited.



Day 6: Music and Lyrics

Holy biscuits guys!

I was almost going to go to bed,

but then I remembered that I hadn't posted anything yet!!!

And now I only have 13 minutes to write a whole post!!

And I have no idea what I'm going to write about...

Ok.

Here's what I'm going to do.

I've been trying to put together another song this last week,

and I've got about half of it done.

I don't have a title for it yet, but here's what I've got so far:

My dear I wrote this song for you

And I hope that you won't be disappointed.

My thoughts inside my head are clear,

But on paper I fear they're so disjointed.

I just think that you are sweet

And you make me feel like I'm someone

I only dreamed I'd be.

I don't know if this is fate or serendipity,

All I know is being with you

Feels so natural to me.

Oh I just want to hold your hand

And fall asleep with your arms tight around me.

In twenty years we'll tell our friends

About the moment that your eyes first found me.

You'll buy me books, I'll try to cook

And together we'll be happier

Than we'd ever dreamed before.

I don't know how this will go

But Darling I am sure

I don't care what I am

As long as I am yours.

.  .   .

I don't like to brag... but I'm pretty proud of myself for this one.

And it sounds really good with the music.

If you guys think I should make any changes though, you should definitely let me know.

I love to know what you guys think.

The End

Day 5: Freaking Spider Space Crabs

So, the super bowl...

Yeah...

That happened.

I was rooting for the Patriots, but only because I think Giants are big and smelly.

And also because I love the movie "The Patriot"

Mostly I thought this super bowl was kinda boring.

There wasn't a ton of scoring,

People would run

and then they would get knocked over.

Really not that exciting.

I did like the guy that just sat down in the End Zone.

I thought he was hilarious.

I also really liked the Doritos commercial where the old lady catapulted the baby across the yard.

And say what you will, but I liked Madonna.

I thought she was very entertaining.

And the slacklining guy in the toga was awesome.

After the super bowl was when my night got really exciting though.

My neighbors talked me into watching Apollo 18.

Scariest.

Thing.

Of.

My.

Life.

Not only is it jump and freaky and full of scary things,

but it's all filmed so that it looks like actual footage.

And they tell you that it's actual footage.

And it freaks me out deep in my soul.

These poor astronauts are just trapped up there,

with secret aliens.

Secret spider-crab aliens that look like rocks.

And I hate them.

The End.



Day 4: Who's Got The Button?

You may not have noticed

but

there is a new feature on this here blog.

It's

Right

About

 

<---------------------------------------------------Here


That's right ladies and gents.
I got me a button.

Isn't it cute???
And you know what the best part is??

You can copy that hand little link underneath it
and put it on your own blog!!

WOOHOOO!!!!

Now I feel like a legit blogger.
I know that's probably silly considering how few people actually read the silly things I write.
Those of you that do follow me
and bear with me through all of my craziness,
you're awesome.

Really really awesome.

I mean it.

The End.

Day Three: Space Camp

Today, I studied.

It was super duper all kinds of scrumdiddlyumptious fun!

False.

It was Geology.

Geology is boring.

I know it's important to some people somewhere,

but frankly I don't give a flying fart in space about

feldspars, and luster, and magma.

It's just not my cup of tea.

My cup of tea is what I spent tonight doing:

Eating pepperoni pizza, and watching Stranger Than Fiction.

I

Love
This
Movie

I love its wittiness

its quirkiness

and its sweetness.

I love Will Ferrell

I love Emma Thompson

and I love Maggie Gyllenhall.

My absolute favorite part of the movie, is when Will Ferrell

shows up at Maggie Gyllenhall's bakery

with a box

of flours.

Not flowers, he brings her a box of different varieties of flour.

Because she's a baker.

And he loves her.

My second favorite part of the movie,

is when he knows that his death is imminent,

and he asks his friend

what he would do

if he knew he didn't have long to live.

His friend thinks for a second,

and then replies:

"I'd go to Space Camp."

Will Ferrell asks him,

"Aren't you too old for Space Camp?"

and his friend gives him a look full of incredulity and replies,

"You're never too old for Space Camp."

That.

That right there,

is my favorite.

It just really made me think.

About all the dreams and ambitions that I had as a child,

that maybe I'd started thinking I had outgrown.

The dreams everyone has, of being a fireman, or flying on a spaceship, or being a movie star...

Why is it, do you think, that as we grow bigger, our ambitions grow smaller?

I used to want to conquer the world!

To live in Africa and conquer world hunger,

to write a book that would change the world,

to be in a rock band.

Now I want to have a job,

I want to go to school,

I want to buy pizza instead of making spaghetti,

I want to do things that are sadly unremarkable.

I think I, and maybe we all need to remember that we're never to old to do the things we've always dreamed of.

We're never too old

for space camp.



Day 2: Public Transportation Escapades.

This year, I live three blocks away from USU's campus.

It's really not very far,

but when it is cold

or when I'm running late

or when I really just don't feel like walking up the hill

(which is basically always)

I

Take the shuttle.

The Shuttle system at USU is bomb.

I have a stop right outside my apartment,

and another right across the street.

Not only is the shuttle close, fast, and convenient...

...but it is also almost always driven by an attractive man.

Last semester there was one guy who looked like a Vulcan.

I loved him.

My roommate Haydn and I have a lot of the same classes, since we're both Elementary Education majors, and we often ride the shuttle together. When we get off the shuttle, we always say thank you to the driver, and we started having a contest to see who could get him to say the most back.

"You Bet" is pretty standard.

"You're Welcome"is slightly better

"Have a good one!" is awesome

And anything longer and/or any combination of the above is the highest scoring.

Usually we're pretty tied.

But right now Haydn is totally kicking my trash.

She sprained her ankle really bad about a week ago, and was on crutches for a couple days. Once her foot healed enough that she could hobble around without the crutches, the bus driver took notice and asked her where they were, and hoped her foot got better.

It's going to take a long time for me to recover from that one.

But I will do my best.

The End.



Day 1: Skyrim

Last week.

For the first time ever,

I played Skyrim.

First, I spent half an hour making an xBox avatar.

Mine looks exactly like me.

Ergo, it's fetching adorable.

Then,

I spent another half hour creating my skyrim character.

Her name is Ysmay.

She can do magic.

She's pretty hardcore.

Playing Skyrim isn't how I expected it to be at all,

I'm used to video games that have levels.

Skyrim doesn't really have levels.

You start out as a prisoner, you and other POW's are in a cart headed to a town where you will be executed for crimes against the crown or something.

Anyways, there I was. Headed to my death.

I watched them shoot down this whiny horse thief man that tried to run away, and then they chopped this other mans head off.

Just as they were about to chop my head off,

a fetching Dragon attacked!!!!

I was able to escape from my execution, I found some sweet armor and an awesome sword, and then I ran away through some caves.

In the caves, was a GIANT BEAR!!

No joke. This bear was freaking ginormous.

And it was sleeping.

Supposedly, you could just sneak past the bear without waking it up

but I am unconvinced.

This bear was most definitely not hibernating because all of a sudden it was attacking me.

And I freaked out!!

The graphics on that game are incredible, so this goliath attacking bear was very realistic.

Mostly- I was shrieking and randomly pushing buttons, desperately hoping that I wouldn't die.

Luckily, I didn't.

But I barely escaped.

 

It

Was

Terrifying.

Overall though, I quite liked the game.

I'mma have to go play it again.

The End.